Analog Man Buys Digital Computer (Humor)

Analog Man Buys Digital Computer (Humor)

It all started when I decided to finally get serious about making a family video. I took my computer to the repair shop and told them I couldn't get my video camera to work when I plugged it into the computer.

I received a blank stare from the technician and then he asked what program I was using to capture the video. This time I returned the blank stare with a €deer in the headlights€ look. Finally he said, €You need a video editing card in order to record movies on a DVD.€ I left the computer with the technician while he installed a video editing card inside the computer.

I returned home and got on the internet to find a movie making program. I downloaded €Program X€ and then had a back up disk arrive in the mail. Due to forgetfulness and somewhat laziness, I neglected to do anything with the program for some time. (A little over a year)

Last week I decided that it would be nice if I made the home movies everyone had been waiting for. I got everything laid out and found out the video camera wouldn't plug into the computer. I called the computer repair shop and after a small €sigh€ they promised to order me a new video cord that I could plug into the camera. After waiting a few days the cord finally arrived and I rushed down to the computer repair shop and returned home with the cord. The cord didn't work.

I returned the computer to the technician who tried all day long to get the computer and video camera to cooperate. The technician was unable to get the video program to operate with the camera. My camera was the older style, 5 years old, and they weren't sure if it was the camera, video cable, or the video card. I had the technician order a new cord and it arrived in one week and still the camera and computer would not operate.

I called back and after a short silent pause, the technician said, €You need a video capture device. I used that and was able to get the video camera to work.€ After a long €sigh€ I told him to order the video capture device.

A week passed and the video capture device came in. I asked Arlene to rush down to the computer shop and pick up the video capture device so I could make a movie first thing in the morning. We were elated.

Next morning, I plugged in the video capture device, connected the cables, picked a video I could experiment with and, €Wa-LA€, NOTHING HAPPENED!!!!!!!

I immediately called the technician and after a long €sigh€, he asked me to bring the computer, camera, and video capture device to the shop and he would look at it. I loaded everything up and took it to the computer shop. He came out, sighed, and we hauled everything to the back. He plugged in the cables and then I saw I had been using the wrong port on the video camera. I gave a loooooooooooooong €SIGH.€

I then took the computer back home and commenced to make my first movie. I opened my new video editing program and after several hours of pushing keys and staring at the computer, I finally went to Windows Movie Maker and made my first video. However, when I went to save the video, I was alerted that my hard drive was almost full and storing videos would take up too much space.

I called the computer technician and after a long, €sigh€ he recommended I buy an external 500GB hard drive. I could then back up my entire computer and make movies. I was elated and immediately went to Radio Shack and purchased a 500GB external hard drive. Rushing home I plugged it in and told it to back-up the computer every hour and totally back up once a week.

I then found out that my computer couldn't handle that large of an external hard drive. It had slowed the computer down to a crawl. I gave a long, €sigh.€

I decided to stop the madness. I don't know if it was an intellectual decision, rational decision, or frustration. I decided to buy a new computer where I could make movies. At least, I would put an end to this madness.

I went to the €X€ web site and went through the choices and came up with a computer that I had specified and would make and store a lot of movies. My account had been closed due to inactivity. I reopened the account, received an instant $5,000 credit limit and ordered my computer. I posted it on Facebook, several blogs and told my friends and relatives.

A week passed and I decide to check on my new computer. It should be arriving any day and with tracking I can find out where the computer is. (Isn't this new technology great?) I then discovered that my new computer order has been cancelled. I call the €X€ company and they claimed that somehow I didn't check the box agreeing to the terms and conditions and therefore they had cancelled my order. I guess sending me an email wasn't an option.

I said, €Okay, let's get the box checked and proceed with the order.€ I gave them my social security number, address, phone number, and mother's maiden name and the box got checked. I was now approved and ready to order my new computer. I said just complete the order.

€X€ company said, they couldn't do that and I needed to talk with a computer expert to make sure I would get the computer I wanted. I said, €I don't have time to do this. I have been on the phone for twenty minutes and I have things I need to do.€ After a long, €sigh€ she said they would call me back. Fine, I said, €Call me back at 8:45 a.m. central time.€

At 11:45 a.m., I receive a call from the computer expert in India, who is very difficult to understand. I get exasperated, give several long sighs, and tell him €Never-mind.€ He is incredulous, I am exasperated, and we both give long sighs and hang up.

I regain my composure, go online, and order a new computer. Problem solved.

I am going online now to check the tracking and see if I can locate my new computer that is being shipped. SIGH

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Author: Regular Articles
Terry Warner is a Internet Success Coach and Online Networker. He believes in Success Through Helping Others.
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